


Always You

by scifi



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Friends With Benefits, I’m sorry, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Public Sex, Smut, This Is Sad, bc i like pain and suffering, dan is the other man, phil marries an oc, the sex is kinda hot tho, they used to be a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 01:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13916766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scifi/pseuds/scifi
Summary: it’s phil’s wedding day but dan can’t let go





	Always You

"I'm sorry."

Those words fell from Dan's lips too many times in a matter of hours. He didn't even know if he meant it anymore it just felt right to whisper it again and again like a mantra as he tugged on Phil's hand, leading them to destruction.

He had made many bad choices in life, but his worst was about to unfold. As he pushed past the crowd of drunken acquaintances in search for solitude, pulling Phil with him, Dan wished he could stop. He wished he could turn back time and never let go. Although he’s holding onto Phil's hand now, he had let go long ago and nothing could change. No matter how hard he tried to pull him back, Phil could never return. 

It was his wedding day after all.

It had taken all of Dan's patience and will to keep it together as he watched the love of his life vow to love someone else until death do they part. He had stood beside them, watching as Phil exchanged rings with someone else. As he kissed plump red lips while everyone cheered. It should have been Dan vowing his life to Phil, not a pretty primary school teacher with a laugh so angelic that Dan could never truly hate her. It should have been Dan, but he fucked up his chance long ago. He had lost count of how much he had fucked things up between them. He had screwed everything up so much that he didn't deserve to stand beside Phil; he didn't deserve to be best man but maybe that was fate's twisted plan; watching his forever obliterate with an exchange of I do's.

He could still remember the night Phil asked him to be his best man; the night Dan's heart gained another irreparable tear. He had slid beneath Dan's duvet in the middle of the night, the lights were out, and Phil ran a hand along Dan's waist, pulling him into an embrace.

"Millie and I are getting married," Phil had whispered.

Dan was glad they had been shrouded in darkness because it hid the silent tears that fell down his cheeks. 

It had been inevitable. Their marriage had been unavoidable since the moment Phil met the angelic blonde in an overcrowded Costa. He had spilt his latte on her white blouse and she had giggled and called him cute. Dan's life had been fucked over by Phil's clumsy hands but hearing his fate said out loud in the dead of night broke his heart in such a way that he didn't even know if he had any heart left.

Instead of congratulating Phil like any good best friend should, Dan did something selfish. He closed the space between them and caught Phil's lips with his in an act of greed. He wanted Phil. He had always wanted Phil and years ago he used to have Phil but now he couldn't have him. His heart belonged to a girl that didn't deserve Phil; she didn't deserve a man who kissed Dan back because it wasn't their first stolen kiss and it wouldn't be their last.

"I want you to be my best man," Phil mumbled against Dan's lips, kissing softly after the statement.

"This is fucked up," Dan sighed. He wanted to scream or maybe cry or probably do both at once, but he couldn't. He was the reason they were caught in this mess. Dan could only blame himself.

"It is what it is. I couldn't imagine anyone else beside me on the big day," Phil had pressed a kiss onto Dan's cheek lightly, awaiting his response.

Of course, Dan said yes.

They had once been something and now they were nothing, but Dan could never let go. Even when Phil had moved on and fell in love with someone new, Dan couldn't help but pull Phil into his bed. It was as if their lives had been carved by Fate's malicious hands because Phil had never resisted. He never denied Dan of his selfish desires; even if it broke Dan's heart each time Phil left him to return to his partner's side, leaving Dan to pick up the pieces of his broken heart time and time again.

Dan's indulgence should have stopped the moment Phil brought Millie home. Her blouse had been coffee stained and her hand had lingered on Phil's and he wrote his number in her phone. 

Dan should have stopped but it only spurred him on. 

Even though what they once had was buried deep in their past in another city, Dan couldn't help finding solace in Phil's touch. He couldn't let go no matter how far away Phil strayed and for some twisted reason, Phil never resisted.

That's why Dan was latched onto Phil, pulling him through the crowd at his own reception in search of privacy. Dan was selfish, and he wanted Phil. No, he needed Phil. He had always needed Phil, but he had lost him to an ethereal woman who didn't deserve any of this. She didn't deserve a husband who slept with his best friend. She didn't even know they were exes or anything about their convoluted history. If she ever found out about their past or what still remained, the fragile world they had built upon false pretences would shatter. 

If Dan had a heart left, he might even feel bad, but he had lost it long ago.

"Dan where are you taking me?" Phil asked as Dan broke through the crowd, eyes wide as he searched for his desired location.

"We need to talk," Dan replied, his voice low, hoping Phil would put two and two together.

"We can't."

Dan pulled Phil close, leaning down to whisper in his ear. The words that left his lips were scandalous, "You didn't sound so reluctant last night when I came inside you."

He felt Phil tense at the shocking reality of the twisted web of greed and deceit they were woven in, "I'm married now."

"So?" Dan's lips were so close to Phil's skin that they brushed his cheek lightly as he spoke, "It's okay when you have a fiancée but not when you're married? I'm sorry, I know my morals are fucked up but even I know that argument is redundant."

Phil went to break his hand from Dan's, but Dan clung on, leaning back so he could look at Phil with raised brows. Everything they were about to do was so sinful and Phil took the lead, pulling Dan in the direction of a bathroom.

The reception was growing sloppy as alcohol clouded everyone's judgement so when they slipped into a bathroom, locking the door behind them, no one seemed to notice.

"People are going to talk," Phil mumbled as he was pushed against the door, the weight of Dan pinning him there as their mouths met with avidity. Even though it had been well over five years since they were a thing, each kiss was still full of lust. Dan always thought that the excitement lingered because he was taking what he couldn't have but now he realised it was because he still loved him. 

Dan broke away from the kiss, his body still pressed against Phil, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"You're the one kissing me," Phil hissed as his arms slunk around Dan's back, drawing him closer out of habit.

"I don't mean this," Dan sighed, his eyes dropping to the floor, "I mean marrying Millie. Do you know how much this is going to hurt her?"

Phil unlocked a hand from behind Dan's back so he could cup his friend's cheek, "She's not going to find out. If she hasn't figured it out during the last five years she isn't going to." 

"Your wife's smart, you can't keep us a secret forever," Dan's brows furrowed at the concept. 

Phil sighed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Dan's, "Why are we so fucked up?"

"I should never have let you go," Dan whispered.

Phil nudged Dan's nose with his own, "we weren't meant to be."

"If we weren't meant to be why are you here and not dancing with your wife. It's your wedding day yet here you are-" Dan's words were cut off by Phil's lips pressing against his with a kiss too tender for their current situation. It was wrong. What they were doing was so fucking wrong, but Dan was so intoxicated by it all. It had been five years since Phil found someone else, but they had never stopped doing this. It was if their secret intimacy was grounding; an integral part of existence even if it had the potential to destroy everyone dear to them.

"I care for you Dan," Phil mumbled into a kiss as a hand snuck up to entwine with coffee coloured curls, "I'll always care for you, but I can't love you and you know that."

Being reminded of the vicious truth always felt like a stab in the chest with a blunt rusty knife and Dan did all he could do to fight back tears that threatened to well in his eyes. 

Love.

It was such tainted concept in their web of lies. Love was what destroyed them in the first place and love was what kept bringing them back together over the years, night after night until boundaries became blurred and the notion of love had been corrupted. If Phil truly loved his wife he wouldn't be peppering kisses along Dan's jaw in a bathroom at his wedding reception. If Dan knew what love meant, he would have never fallen onto his knees the day Phil told him he was seeing someone else. They would never have allowed themselves to indulge in something so sinful if they understood what love was.

Phil's lips continued down Dan's jaw and onto his neck and Dan couldn't help a whimper escape him. His neck had always been his weakness and Phil knew all too well about how to make Dan unravel.

As Phil's mouth set Dan's nerves alight, his entire body becoming saturated with pleasure, he couldn't help the unfortunate truth to slip off the tip of his tongue, "I love you."

He said it in barely a whisper, but it reverberated off the bathroom walls like thunder. Phil paused his ministrations to bring his eyes level with Dan's.

"You can't," he sighed. 

It was a fragment of a conversation they have had too many times usually in the cover of the night. It was a confession uttered during those moments Dan stole from Phil to satiate his own greed. A greed that Phil had been more than happy to reciprocate time and time again.

"I can't but I do, and I know you love me too," Dan pulled himself off Phil before reaching down to grab his hand, pulling him away from the door, "If this isn't love then I don't know what is because what you have out there isn't love. You don't cheat from the very first day on someone you love. It doesn't work like that."

"I loved you, Dan. There was a time I truly did. But I can't," Phil raised his left hand that was entwined with Dan's and wriggled his ring finger, "I love her."

Hearing those words sparked something in Dan that caused him to surge forward, backing Phil up against the tiled wall until their lips were brushing once again. He could feel Phil's heart flutter rapidly beneath him. "That isn't love, Phil. You wouldn't have kept fucking me for all these years if it was. You can't keep being friends with benefits when you have a significant other. It doesn't work like that and you know it."

"It takes two to tango," Phil hissed but the conversation was over when their mouths reconnected in a kiss that held too much lust. This was a conversation that had been repeated too many times throughout the years and it always ended the same; Dan's greed and Phil's need always won.

Dan didn't break the kiss as his hands fumbled with Phil's belt buckle. He had dragged Phil from the reception for one reason only. He hadn't come to talk about a redundant conversation or beg for Phil to run away with him. It wouldn't work like that. They were too deep to escape the cataclysm that was their lives. 

They were in the bathroom for one reason and one reason only. Dan wanted what he couldn't have and not even a wedding was going to stop him.

He pulled the zipper down and before he gave Phil a chance to realise what was happening, he dropped to his knees with practised ease, so he was eye-level with Phil's length. Dan looked up at Phil through thick lashes as he wrapped his hand around Phil's already half hard cock before licking from the base to the tip. 

Dan pressed his plump lips against Phil's head, hesitating for a moment as he recorded the pressure of Phil pushing against his lips to memory. He never wanted to forget how incredible it was to pleasure him like this; to have Phil filling up his mouth in a way no one else could. Dan sunk down slightly on his cock, wrapping his lips around Phil's head before swirling his tongue in the exact way that unwound Phil without fail. Phil's reaction was immediate; his hands ran through chocolate curls, pulling Dan closer as a soft moan reverberated off the bathroom walls.

Their lives may be fucked up beyond repair but there was nothing more perfect than Dan's mouth.

Dan sighed at the feeling of Phil hardening on his tongue and how his silky foreskin tightened beneath his fingers. He kept sucking lightly at Phil's head, relishing the salty tang of Phil that he had grown to love. Dan hummed softly as Phil tugged at his hair, inviting him to sink lower on his length and Dan was happy to oblige. 

"How are you so good at this?" Phil asked as Dan slid down until he was pressing at the back of his mouth. Dan kept him there, cherishing the feeling of Phil, now fully hard and heavy inside of him.

He pulled back, keeping a grip on the base of Phil's cock, "I've had eight years of practice."

Before the conversation could continue, Dan turned his focus back to what he did best; pleasuring Phil. He wrapped his mouth around Phil and created a rhythm, sinking deeper and deeper each time until Phil was nudging the back of Dan's throat and whispering his name between sighs.

Dan then pulled off, allowing his hands to work on Phil's length as the searing heat in Dan's lungs was satiated with deep breaths. 

"You have such a beautiful cock," Dan murmured breathily, placing gentle kisses along his length before allowing his tongue to run along Phil's slit, collecting pre-cum that began to pool there.

"You have such beautiful lips," Phil responded. His fingers left Dan's hair in favour of tracing his puffy split-slick lips, "They look prettier stretched around my cock though."

It was an intimate moment tainted by Phil's filthy mouth but Dan, with his eyes filled with too much fondness, still smirked. He brought his mouth in line with Phil and slowly lowered himself. Phil was anything but small so when Dan felt his cock reach his throat he clenched left fist before sinking the rest of the way until his nose was buried in soft curls and his lips were stretched wide. His jaw burned, and Phil felt heavy inside him, but the sensation was divine. 

A string of curses fell from Phil's lips as Dan swallowed around his cock. His hands quickly found home in Dan's hair again as Phil chased the feeling, thrusting further down Dan's throat. The action caused Dan to gag but he didn't pull up. Instead, he moved slowly up and down Phil's cock, following the push and pull of Phil's hands as he urged Dan to take all of him.

It was only when Dan's limbs started to feel like jelly and his lungs screamed that he pulled off Phil. A trail of saliva clung to his lips as he leant back; his knees felt sore from the tiled floor, but he didn't want Phil to unravel from just his mouth. His greed at other plans.

Dan pulled himself back up to Phil, stealing a kiss before moving his mouth to Phil's ear, "I want you to fuck me."

"We don't have lube," Phil went to push Dan away but instead his hands snuck under Dan's suit, finding his way to the soft skin hidden beneath his dress shirt.

Dan nuzzled into Phil's neck, "Don't need it. I've come prepared."

"Did you expect us to fuck on my wedding day?" a twinge of anger hinted at Phil's words, but it was drowned out by the feeling of his arousal grinding into Dan's. 

"Phil…" 

"Millie must be wondering where I am. Martyn saw us leave, he definitely would be suspicious if we don't go back now," Phil whispered into Dan's curls. He was attempting to resist but the feeling of Dan's soft skin beneath his fingertips and the sensation of their suited bodies pressed together, writhing with need, was too tempting.

"Your wife won't know," Dan lifted his head back, so he could catch Phil's mouth with his in a kiss that had too much tongue. 

Something must have clicked inside Phil because he pushed Dan, flipping them so Dan was the one with his back to the wall. His chestnut eyes flew wide as Phil's hands went straight to Dan's belt, tugging it loose so he could undo his pants.

His hand ghosted over Dan's cock still trapped in his pants and Dan let a whimper escape him.

"So eager," Phil mused, pressing lightly at the bulge before pulling down Dan's pants to his ankles. Phil ran a hand along the smooth expanse of Dan's legs, dipping into the soft skin of his inner thighs before encasing Dan's thick cock with his slender fingers. A moan fell from Dan's lips a touch too loud and with his free hand, Phil covered Dan's mouth, "Quiet!"

Dan stilled at the commend, his eyes widening slightly as Phil began to pump his length with his hand. He pressed a kiss into the palm Phil had against his lips and Phil took it as a sign that they could continue without the whole reception hearing them.

"Where's the lube?" Phil asked as he stroked Dan, twisting his wrist on the upstroke just how he always liked it. After eight years of succumbing to their desires, it was hard to not know the perfect method of unravelling each other. 

All Dan responded with was a wink.

It was enough for Phil to grow curious. His free hand travelled past Dan's length, pausing to stroke his balls just enough for Dan to sigh with pleasure, before reaching down to stroke his rim. Instead of his fingers meeting tight muscle he was greeted with silicone.

"I came prepared," Dan chuckled as he felt Phil find the edges of the plug.

"You were so certain that I was going to fuck you?" Phil mused before pulling gently at the plug. 

A low groan rumbled up Dan's throat at the sensation of being emptied, "As if you wouldn't."

He heard the plug drop to the floor before having Phil press up against him. It was intoxicating to be like this with Phil wedging him against the wall. Dan allowed his hands to travel up the back of Phil's black suit until his fingers were woven in his raven hair.

"We shouldn't do this," Phil whispered.

Dan spread his legs as much as he could with pants around his ankles, drawing Phil closer so he could line up with his stretched hole, "after all these years what's another fuck?"

Instead of answering, Phil pressed into Dan. His head fell on Dan's shoulder and he bit down at the exposed collarbone in an effort to muffle a moan. Dan, on the other hand, didn't bother to keep quiet. He couldn't. The feeling of Phil slipping inside him, stretching him and filling him up, caused white-hot pleasure to radiate throughout every nerve.

Although love was a tainted concept between them, Dan knew without a doubt that he loved Phil inside him. It was the indisputable truth.

As Phil slowly bottomed out Dan clung onto him, pulling Phil tight against his body so only the layers of clothes separated them. He wished he could pull Phil closer until their bodies melded perfectly like they always did. But he couldn't. They were in a bathroom at Phil's wedding. It was filthy, against the wall and rushed but every time with Phil was perfect, no matter the circumstance.

"Fuck Dan you feel so good," Phil groaned, remaining fully sheathed as Dan adjusted to his length.

"So do you," Dan nipped at the shell of Phil's ear, "you can move."

Dan felt Phil's hot breath against his neck as he pulled out a bit before pushing into him again. There was something so intoxicating about the feeling of Phil inside of him and as Phil created a steady rhythm, Dan could feel himself falling deeper and deeper for the man who could never love him back.

Phil shifted position, angling himself in search of the bundle of nerves that would cause Dan to see stars. His thrusts became shallower and when Dan felt Phil nudge his sweet spot, he couldn't help the shout that escaped him.

Once again Phil's free hand clasped over Dan's mouth, silencing him.

"Fuck Dan!" Phil hissed before hitting his prostate again.

Dan moaned against Phil's hand as his eyes fluttered shut. Phil continued his pace, brushing against Dan's nerves each time. Dan felt his legs grow weak as Phil continued to send jolts through him; his body felt like a lightning storm as pleasure sparked every inch of his essence. If they kept going like this Dan wouldn't last long; he could feel the familiar heat pooling in his abdomen.

"I'm close," Dan mumbled but his words remained silenced by Phil's palm.

Phil picked up the pace, his thrusts growing more sporadic as he chased his own desire. Dan wanted to wait until after Phil came but it was all too much. Phil felt too perfect inside him, causing his nerves to awash with pleasure and before he knew it Phil's name left his lips in a muffled moan as his release overtook him. With his free hand, Phil rushed to cover Dan's cock as his cum spilt over his fingers.

"Almost came on my suit," Phil chided, thrusting quickly into Dan as he worked him through his orgasm.

"Wouldn't be able to keep me your dirty little secret if I did that," Dan's words were ragged but a smirk played on his lips.

"You're not my dirty little secret, you're my best friend," Phil groaned. His orgasm was close, Dan could tell by how erratic is thrusts had become.

"Don't call me your best friend when your entire dick is up my ass," Dan tilted his head so he could kiss Phil's neck, feeling his strong pulse beneath his lips. 

"Fuck Dan," whatever way that sentence was going to end was lost as Phil's orgasm washed over him. Dan pressed down against him, tightening his muscles around his shaft as Phil thrust twice more before allowing his full weight to pin Dan to the wall.

They were messy, coated in sweat and awash with guilt but for just a few stolen moments they were at peace. The wedding forgotten, their lost love just a distant memory, and the consequences of their actions yet to hit them. They were just Dan and Phil, entwined in each other's arms against a bathroom wall in a post-orgasm haze.

Phil went to pull away but Dan clung to him, not ready to let go yet.

"I have to clean up," Phil pulled up his come slick hand, wiggling his fingers as if to make a point.

"I can fix that," Dan grabbed Phil's hand and brought the fingers covered in his own come to his mouth before licking tenderly.

Dan kept his eyes trained on Phil's, smirking when his ocean eyes grew dark with arousal. He worked his tongue around every finger, pulling each digit into his mouth and swirling his tongue until Phil's hand was free of Dan's come, paying extra attention to the gold band on his ring finger partly out of spite.

Dan pressed a kiss into the pad of Phil's thumb, "Good as new."

"Your mouth should be illegal," Phil mumbled and for a moment they were suspended in a moment of bliss but the weight of their actions crashed into them causing Phil to pull his softening cock out of Dan.

The loss of Phil inside him almost caused him to whimper but Dan stayed silent while in front of him Phil placed himself inside his pants before straightening his suit out. If it wasn't for the red that hinted at Phil's cheeks, Dan wouldn't have even known that just moments ago Phil had come inside him.

Phil reached down to pick up the plug that had fallen at their feet. Dan stared at him as Phil reached over to press the plug back into Dan, trapping his come inside, "So you'll remember me."

Dan didn't know what to say and Phil didn't require an answer. He just bent down to pull up Dan's pants before doing the zipper up and buckling his belt. They both looked as if what just happened never occurred, but Dan still felt Phil's release hot inside of him; evidence of their greed.

Phil backed away, running a hand through his hair to smooth where Dan's hands had previously run through, "We can't do this again."

"You said that last night and you'll say it next time," Dan sighed. This was the pain he was given after stealing Phil. Every time was their last but there was always a next time.

"I mean it, Dan," Phil leant over for one last kiss, "I'm married now."

He backed away and reached for the door, flicking the lock. They had been playing the same fucked up game for the better part of a decade and neither could end it. No matter how many times Phil said they were over he always found himself entwined with Dan sooner or later. They were each other's constant, their touchstones. They were each other's forever without even knowing it.

As Phil reached for the handle, he hesitated.

"Hey, Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," the words cut through Dan's heart like a hot knife but before he had the chance to respond Phil was out the door, leaving Dan alone to deal with the consequences.

His knees gave out and Dan slid down the cool tiled wall and as a violent sob caught in his chest he whispered, "I love you too."


End file.
